You Have Nothing To Prove

the art of reception and other things that seem impossible

Balance

Balance is everything, is the only

way to hold on.

I've weighed the alternatives, the hold

as harbor: It isn't safe

to let go. But consider the hover,

choices made, the moment

between later and too late.

Hesitation is later, regret

too late. You can't keep turning

and turning, or expecting

to return.

This earth

is not a wheel, it is a rock

that erodes, mountain by mountain.

And I have been too soft,

like sandstone, but there is a point

where I stand without a story,

immutable and moved, solid

as a breath in winter air.

I have seen my death and I know

it is my neighbor, my brother,

my keeper. In my life

I am going to keep trying

for the balance,

remembering the risks and the value

of extremes, and that experience

teaches the length of allowable lean;

that it is easier — and wiser —

to balance a stone as if on one toe

though it weigh a hundred pounds

than to push it back against the curve

of its own world.

- Alice B Fogel, "Balance" from Elemental. 1993.

The power of an open hand

Sometimes it’s easy to let ourselves win.

Sometimes it’s terrifying.

Sometimes we immediately reply to outside support with “No, I don’t need help,” “No, I can pay for it myself,” “Nope I got it, it’s not that heavy.”

If you’re anything like me, you can get completely bogged down with individualism and independence strangulation. The act of becoming all consumed with an inner narrative of “me, myself and I” can stagnate the ability to receive, on every level. Life can seem to halt at the idea of “help” in this stubbornness. An ingrained Northeast mentality; cracked and waiting for the break.

My mind seemed to default to a few hard set phrases on repeat.

I ain’t weak!

I don’t need no man/woman!

I can do it my-fucking-self!

Reality tends to hit just in time. That day comes when you find yourself inundated with a broken-down vehicle, a seriously limiting injury or illness, or some sort of time sensitive mind-numbing list of shit to do and you realize “Fuck, I need help.” You look around and no one’s there to help because, well, you sent them away with the “Nope. I got it, thanks though.”

What do you do then?

Can you handle it yourself? …Well of course you can, you’re superwoman/man!

But should you?!?

I have to remind myself sometimes, “you have nothing to prove in going at it alone.”

Just because we can do things ourselves doesn’t always mean we should.

I am brought back to a time in the garage, with my dad, taking apart his BMW motorcycle engine for the rebuild. I am my father’s daughter-son.

He says to me, with wrench in hand, “There’s usually one way to take something apart and a million ways to put it together again.” I was 14 and I can’t tell you how many times this Andy-ism rang true in my walkabout through life.

There are multitudes of ways to write your story.

To build your dream.

To change your body.

To put yourself back together.

To receive.

The thing about intention is that we all have it within us. We forget it is the most powerful ability we have as quantum beings. Akin to a giant ball of twine waiting to wrap around each and every choice we make. It connects our desires and fears from one second to the next, creating our reality in a million different ways. Weaving the tapestry of our true timeline existence.

Photo by Viktor Forgacs on Unsplash

Being vulnerable is a superpower

As a woman raised by men I had a very difficult time (I still do) allowing myself to be vulnerable. Trusting that I wouldn’t be emotionally ransacked by boyfriends, friends and family members was like trusting that a tornado on top of my house wouldn’t send it flying. I think they call it ‘faith’.

I was conditioned to keep my head on a swivel. Expect the worst and hope for the best…except the ‘best’ was usually pretty mediocre. Being a pessimist is exhausting and empty. We all deserve the power to not give a fuck if someone has the potential to hurt us. We are not doormats; we are the entire house. Keep that door open to receiving, love-money-criticism-oral sex…trust your strength in the vulnerability of newness.

In the art of receiving, we can rebuild the motorcycle engines of our lives. 1000 cc’s of intentional reciprocity can shift the flow of our individual so(u)lar power. We call this “Flow State,” otherwise referred to as “happiness.”

There is so much to give, we MUST learn to truly receive.

There is a tricky part to receiving though. When you keep giving without being open to receiving ONLY what is equal to your worth, you will drain your power and your self-worth will plummet. The quintessential empath curse. yep, that part.

The crucial part to remember about being truly open to reception is knowing that first and foremost, you are the giver. The one that shines a light on someone’s missing piece and fills with for them, free of charge. Whether that be a hug, a smile, lending an ear, holding open a door or lighting a stranger’s cigarette. It is in the giving that reception is activated.

So, remember to keep that door open to what you deserve and trust yourself to have the wisdom to know when to close it.